Russian Scientists Develop Pill to Prolong Drunkenness
I think this means that I can stop developing my own, personal fast-action make-girls-hotter pill. The solution was so simple.
I should’ve been focusing on putting the benefits of regular old alcohol into my pill instead of using crushed monkey spine powder.
That old dude in Chinatown lied to me.
Pentagon Offers Soldiers Ecstacy For Combat Stress
In other news, the Pentagon saw military enrollment jump 30% over the last week.
Crack-Smoking Monkeys Hit Blake Case
I think we have ourselves an official “Trial of the Century” on our hands, if the headline is any indication. I sure love me some crack-smoking monkeys. Is there any other kind?
Man ‘wore slain mother’s skin as clothing’
Worst leather jacket ever.
Former NFL punter Reggie Roby dies at 43
Rē was my favorite punter growing up, as he had one of football’s best names for over 15 years. R.I.P., pimp.
