“Gone to lunch. Be back later.”

NY Man Who Fell Down a Hill Inside a Portable Toilet Wins Day in Court

Peter: “Lois? I don’t get it. There’s just a hole. I don’t think it goes anywhere. Yeah, it definitely doesn’t go anywhere…”

[bird hits the outhouse and knocks it over]

Peter: “Ahhhhhhh…ohhhh….ahhhhh… It’s everywhere….ahhhh…it’s in my raccoon wounds!!!”

Man sues, says testicle wrongly removed

I would say that any surgery in which a testicle is removed is extremely wrong, and all doctors should be sued for it. I have a suspicion that testicle removal is some sort of elaborate, sick joke the medical community has been playing on us.

Bush team tried to suppress pre-9/11 report into al-Qa’ida

Such botchery. Or is it? I was watching a special on tv the other day about the first Gulf War and how Cheney and Baker went to the Saudis and took advantage of their highly-religious government and overly-friendly King to gank $50 billion in protection fees. The Kingdom’s economy has never been the same. But I digress…

Boston Plans Wireless Access in Subways

This means cell phones too. Now the underground T stops will be ridiculously loud because of people talking on their cells to avoid standing around in awkward silence.

Playwright Arthur Miller Dies at 89

RIP, yo. Tons of death pool points awarded today.