Cockfighting

Think of cockfighting as the foxyboxing of the animal world. Focused on beauty, thriving on anticipation, there is rarely any quality fighting.

Very little blood is spilled in a cockfight, which makes it one of the most popular activities for children in all of Mexico. Boys who wish to become master cock trainers often start the journey around the age of 5, but most children just watch.

Want to make a quick buck? Take Poochie down to Chinatown and throw him in the ring. If he’s got any instinct whatsoever, you may soon find yourself the proud owner of some guy’s moped.

The average dog lasts about 3 to 4 fights, usually dying as a result of being beaten by its owner for not trying hard enough.

Tip: wear a raincoat around the arena to prevent being splashed by the AIDS-infested dog blood.

We all know the simple joys of a monkey knife fight. The skill, the emotion, the spilled organs. Rarely are the fights for money, but instead often to settle land disputes or personal offenses.

Even to this day in Missouri, each season, the winner of Monday Night Monkey Fights is given a seat in the state legislature. There is evidence of monkey knife fights determining decisions in the highest levels of government.

As you would expect from the most expensive animal fights, horsefighting is easily the bloodiest. Horse hooves are some of the deadliest weapons in the animal kingdom, capable of slicing hides, pulverizing organs and ripping out tails in a matter of seconds.

A little-known fact about horsefighting is that most bouts end in cannibalism.