Pats win Super Bowl XXXIX, become “dynasty”

Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta. In one of the most ugly, boring Super Bowls, the Pats solidified their dynastic run with their 3rd game-winning field goal by Adam Vinatieri in just 4 years.

Boston is now the official city of champions, and if you want to visit and bask in our glory, it’s gonna cost ya. Every tourist gets a wedgie. How many other cities can say “victory parade on Tuesday @ 11AM”? Suckaz.

Also, I had been saying these two weeks that TO would make just enough difference to cover the spread, minimizing Philadelphia-area suicides last night. Strangely, several predictions I’ve made lately have saved countless Philadelphia lives.

Game photos / Boston quiet / Sports Guy

Canseco: I injected McGwire, he injected Giambi

Geez, he didn’t need to get so graphic about it. Why couldn’t they hire some models to inject the roids into their asses for them? Seems a little “odd” that they did it for each other.

U.S. Guards Had Mudwrestling Party @ Prison Camp

“It does not appear that alcohol was involved and there is no evidence to support suggestions of any type of sexual misconduct,” said Lt. Col. Barry Johnson.

What the hell kind of mudwrestling party is that?

Cooked lobsters feel no pain

A study funded by the Norwegian government concluded that lobsters and crabs don’t feel pain when they’re being cooked. The report, however, uncovered the severe emotional pain and developmental problems they get from having those rubberbands on their claws. I say, unband those claws. Tanks at restaurants would be so much sweeter if they did. Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!