Cockfighting

Think of cockfighting as the foxyboxing of the animal world. Focused on beauty, thriving on anticipation, there is rarely any quality fighting.

Very little blood is spilled in a cockfight, which makes it one of the most popular activities for children in all of Mexico. Boys who wish to become master cock trainers often start the journey around the age of 5, but most children just watch.

Want to make a quick buck? Take Poochie down to Chinatown and throw him in the ring. If he’s got any instinct whatsoever, you may soon find yourself the proud owner of some guy’s moped.

The average dog lasts about 3 to 4 fights, usually dying as a result of being beaten by its owner for not trying hard enough.

Tip: wear a raincoat around the arena to prevent being splashed by the AIDS-infested dog blood.

We all know the simple joys of a monkey knife fight. The skill, the emotion, the spilled organs. Rarely are the fights for money, but instead often to settle land disputes or personal offenses.

Even to this day in Missouri, each season, the winner of Monday Night Monkey Fights is given a seat in the state legislature. There is evidence of monkey knife fights determining decisions in the highest levels of government.

As you would expect from the most expensive animal fights, horsefighting is easily the bloodiest. Horse hooves are some of the deadliest weapons in the animal kingdom, capable of slicing hides, pulverizing organs and ripping out tails in a matter of seconds.

A little-known fact about horsefighting is that most bouts end in cannibalism.

“What are you, 220?”

Belichick ran to the Eagles’ sideline after coming out of the tunnel. For a moment, the Eagles had a chance in hell.

The God Bless America special with the blind and deaf kids was so awkward. But it was fun to guess which were blind and which were deaf.

Watch all of the Super Bowl commercials @
iFilm or Tubespot

I thought the Careerbuilder monkeys, Ameriquest cat killer, and Godaddy strapless commercials were good.

The worst-looking cars of the year, the Ford Mustang and Honda Ridgeline were featured. America’s roads just fell down the ugly tree.

How did a bathtub company get enough money to advertise during the Super Bowl? Why is Brad Pitt stealing my life? Gladys Knight is still alive?

Auction of McDonald’s Lincoln fry
Judges’ scores on eagle arm-waving celebrations:
Owens: 8.9
Givens: 9.3
Vrabel: 2.6

Freddie Mitchell: one catch? Shave your frohawk, son.

TO making Randall Gay his bitch, and the jokes that ensued. Still the worst-selling jersey of all-time.

The worst moment of the boobless halftime show was when the crowd held up those cards that said “Na Na Na…” during “Hey Jude”. Kill me.

Pats win Super Bowl XXXIX, become “dynasty”

Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta. In one of the most ugly, boring Super Bowls, the Pats solidified their dynastic run with their 3rd game-winning field goal by Adam Vinatieri in just 4 years.

Boston is now the official city of champions, and if you want to visit and bask in our glory, it’s gonna cost ya. Every tourist gets a wedgie. How many other cities can say “victory parade on Tuesday @ 11AM”? Suckaz.

Also, I had been saying these two weeks that TO would make just enough difference to cover the spread, minimizing Philadelphia-area suicides last night. Strangely, several predictions I’ve made lately have saved countless Philadelphia lives.

Game photos / Boston quiet / Sports Guy

Canseco: I injected McGwire, he injected Giambi

Geez, he didn’t need to get so graphic about it. Why couldn’t they hire some models to inject the roids into their asses for them? Seems a little “odd” that they did it for each other.

U.S. Guards Had Mudwrestling Party @ Prison Camp

“It does not appear that alcohol was involved and there is no evidence to support suggestions of any type of sexual misconduct,” said Lt. Col. Barry Johnson.

What the hell kind of mudwrestling party is that?

Cooked lobsters feel no pain

A study funded by the Norwegian government concluded that lobsters and crabs don’t feel pain when they’re being cooked. The report, however, uncovered the severe emotional pain and developmental problems they get from having those rubberbands on their claws. I say, unband those claws. Tanks at restaurants would be so much sweeter if they did. Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!