Broke as hell? Living off of rice and Pasta-Roni? Listen to the Vanilla Ice classic, “Havin’ a Roni” while you cook them.

Toro Magazine’s article about how hot Emily Haines is. Seriously, that’s about all it talks about. Pretty lame, but at least it provides us a new picture of her.

Defamer’s post about the hacked Fred Durst sex video, which is horribly NSFW, but can be found on Gawker.

Also, Defamer captures Keanu barfing out of a car. Excellent.

Too lazy to go to New York? Go see the The Somerville Gates instead.

Federer and Agassi one-up Tiger and play a match on the helipad of that crazy Dubai hotel. Great pics. I call foot fault on Federer.

You look like you need to take a quiz. Find out which Family Guy character you are here.

For some reason, this chick recorded a home-made rap song, “Pez”, which is as equally as beautiful as it is awful.
House house bitch 4 life!

Bizarre baby born with extra body parts dies

The article is full of great phrases like “look similar to an alien to poor parents”. And it attempts to describe what the child looked like, but failed to provide a graphic.

So in order to grasp how the tot appeared, here is an official artist’s rendering:

Hunter Thompson shot himself while on the phone

Let this be a lesson to all you women out there. If you’re married to a psychotic Kentuckian, do not nag him over the phone. Damn, we’re gonna miss him.

Temple suspends coach for rest of season

The worst coach in college basketball just got worse. That moron Chaney sent some thug out on the court to teach the St. Joe’s guys a lesson for their dirty picks, and the thug broke a dude’s arm.

Nice. Real nice.

And the thug fouled out in 4 minutes. That’s not easy, ya know.

Court: Man Can Sue Woman For Sperm Theft

Finally.

“I told you Van Halen wasn’t playing here tonight.”

“Squids and kung fu just don’t mix”

Moss traded to Raiders, C-Webb to 76ers, and
‘toine back to Celtics for the Glove

Who’s the freaking Raiders’ quarterback anyway? Kerry Collins? Gag. Remind me to pick Randy 50th overall next year in my fantasy draft.

Randy will either shoot or be shot by a fan by Week 5, and his fro will have its own jersey number.

Other than that, I predict a yawn-filled, 1,100-yard, 8 TD season unless they unfreeze Rich Gannon.

Blink-182 Goes on ‘Indefinite Hiatus’

I sent them a letter a while ago that basically said they suck and should break up. I’m glad that someone listens to me.

Perchlorate found in breast & dairy milk across US

This study boosts milk up the charts as now the second-most dangerous drink out there:

5. Urine
4. Extremely old Appleton’s rum
3. Black Grape Mountain Dew
2. Milk
1. Sulfuric acid

Saudis May Give Women Right to Vote

Saudi men are willing to concede suffrage to maintain the right to publicly beat, humiliate, and sell their wives. Whatever works.

“Made from 100% real gorilla chest”