synapticblur | 2005 January
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January 2005

Dirty Ho!

14 Jan Dirty Ho and Mo’

Dirty Ho!Things you didn’t know about Hong Kong and Chinese cinema:

Dirty Ho (1979) is apparently considered by many to be the all-time great Chinese martial arts/warrior/robin hood-style movie of the 20th century?

It’s a predecessor of the styles used in such bastardized movies as Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, any non-Mel Gibson Jet Li movie, and even Kill Bill Vol. 2. Who cares?

Its unintentional slang was way ahead of its time. Classic kungfusploitation.

ESPN should color-code their BottomLine. My dad and I are sick and tired of seeing scores like:

16 Georgia 76 Kentucky 83

with a barely-visible NCAAW in the corner, so we only focus on the score and assume it’s a men’s game instinctively.

In order to fix that, and enable us to tell when to only watch for scores we care about, there is our:

Proposed color system
NFL Football
ESPN BoringLineMLB Baseball
NBA Basketball
NHL Hockey
NCAA Men’s Basketball
NCAA Women’s Basketball
ATP Tennis
PGA Golf

Watch these guys dieWant horribly-detailed death and agony?

Tune into:

National Geographic Channel
Air Emergency
Thursdays @ 8PM ET

It shows plane crashes and hijackings in disgusting detail so make sure you don’t mind being haunted by it every time you fly from now on. Better than FOX’s When Good Planes Go Bad

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14 Jan Friday


Rain/Snow/WindRain/Snow/Wind – hi 63°F – lo 23°F – WTF?
Pentagon reveals rejected chemical weapons

-Sunshine Project (turns enemy soldiers gay)
-Armies of enraged wasps and angry rats
-Unlimited calvaries of cloned sheep

MLB steroid policy outlined

The following are articles of the policy:

Article XI, Sec. B
At minimum, 300 urine test results must be tampered with by the Union.

Article XXIV, Sec. F
Any or all deaths resulting from steroids must be ruled sleep apnea deaths.

Article XXXIII, Sec. H
Juice all balls, cork all bats, and move all fences in.

Tom BoswellESPNJohn Shea

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Stu Scott mackin

13 Jan Feedbag.002

Stu Scott mackinThey won’t learn how to host Sportscenter or hit on white ladies, but you should still send your kids to Stuart Scott Public School for all of your Ethiopian needs.

Pitchfork’s back in business. The jury’s still out about if I like the new design. The old one definitely had its charm.

Let the scalping war begin.

Want to protest Bush’s inauguration like the rest of us? Don’t spend a dime.

Taco John’s vs. Taco Tico vs. Taco Bell vs. Taco Bueno vs. Taco Mayo vs. Taco Time vs. King Taco vs. Taco Bill vs. Del Taco vs. Taco Del Mar vs. Mighty Taco vs. Taco Cabana
Ugh, that’s just for starters.

Doves @ Coachella. There may still be hope…

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Sehr schlecht

13 Jan Thursday

Prince Harry Offends with Nazi Gaffe

Sehr schlechtMy theory that the current British royalty is actually a bunch of escaped Nazis is getting stronger by the second.

NYSE Fines Morgan Stanley $19 Million

The previous largest fine against a firm was $2.5 million. The thieves at Morgan Stanley were cited for “failure to deliver prospectuses to 156,000 accounts, provide accurate trading reports to the exchange and insufficient oversight of daily market activities”, aka failure to do anything right.

Clint Eastwood to Michael Moore: “Show up at my front door with a camera – I’ll kill you.”

If he kills him on camera, he’ll go to jail. That’s not smart. Not smart at all.

U.S. Diet Guide Puts Emphasis on Weight Loss

I feel significantly dumber for reading this article.

Marley’s Wife Plans to Exhume Remains

Marley’s badly-decomposed body will be shipped off to Ethiopia.

Ete Edndenesh Gedawo!

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