Terrorist attack on Boston?!?!?!

Uh…..um….

CBS’ “Everybody Loves Raymond” Finally Ends Run

Ok, raise your hand if you ever saw this show.
No one?

Well, either way, we at synapticblur would like to congratulate Big Ray on giving the working class goofball an unheard voice in the public arena. They really needed that.

Two Northampton women charged with rape

Those wacky lesbians from Smith College are at it again. Like before, extremely rough three-way female sex on the campus has resorted to knife slashings and rape. A professor from the Fetish Department said all three girls involved were good students, but was disappointed that no whips were used in the sex/attack.

Barclays Bank mistakenly fined $1.4 quadrillion

Hm, what could you buy with $1.4 quadrillion?

56,000,000,000,000 gorilla figurines
231,724,137,931,034,482 bottle rockets
5,384,615,384 Ferrari 612 Scaglietti F1’s

6′-tall Fugitive Hides in TV Set

It’s bad enough that the fugitive was able to escape police and endanger citizens, but why do people still own those gigantic wooden tv sets? Somehow, wood used to make up 90% of the materials in TVs. I thought this was America, people.

Dog craps on court, delays Orlando Magic game

The last time a doo-doo pie that large was on the floor of the TD Waterhouse Center, it was wearing Shawn Kemp’s jersey. Hey-o. This story would’ve been much better if Rasheed Wallace actually stepped in it and continued to play the game. Much more of a statement than TO spiking the ball on Dallas’ star.