Mississippi libraries ban ‘Daily Show’ book

One way that Mississippians have always diverted attention away from their horrific literacy rate is to ban as many books as possible, especially those regarding modern American culture.

The less knowledge that Mississippians can be held accountable for, the better, hence, the “that never happened” defense.

A Mississippian in the White House? Trust me, we have nothing to worry about.

24/7 Czech Update:
Czech Chainsaw Suicide Goes Wrong

Surprisingly, chainsaw suicides rarely go wrong.

Czech hobos steal underground train track

One-upping their Polish competitors in the finals of the 2005 European Hobo Mischief Tournament, the Czech hobos ganked 1000 feet of rail from a subway line. Roughly 12 deaths and $720,000 worth of damage has been reported. The Polish vagrants have until midnight Monday night to counter with a more disruptive feat.

Lou Reed calls Bush exceptionally dangerous

Bush calls Lou Reed “exceptionally likely to be arrested on bogus charges and thrown into a prison if he says something like that again.”

Porn played for 20 minutes at New Delhi Airport

Officials say the maneuver worked to pacify the passengers so well that a weekly showing will be scheduled during the airport’s busiest hours.

High-Risk Flaws Flagged in IE, Mozilla

Basically, every single computer in the United States will be infected by an extremely damaging virus by 5PM ET today. Backup your stuff.