Catfish licking: a new high?

How many people would be willing to lick a catfish that weren’t already hallucinating?

The only measurable effect that one gets from licking catfish slime is the loneliness they feel after spending six months in a hospital after contracting thousands of bacterial infections. Cyyyycliiiicaaal!

First goat found with mad-cow disease

If our goat meat supply gets tainted, we could have a disaster of epic proportions on our hands in West Virginia. And we promised we wouldn’t let something like this happen again.

Audit: $9 Billion Unaccounted for in Iraq

This comes as no surprise. Did anyone check Dubya’s bank account? I’m not sure, but it also may have something to do with that $8,000,000,000 bill Paul Bremer racked up at Gams, Baghdad’s hottest strip club.

Nebraska Supreme Court: Sex with dogs still illegal

I know, I was surprised, too.

Global warming ‘twice as bad as previously thought’

By the year 2009, Kentucky will have beachfront property, Manhattan won’t exist, and most of us will live on the moon. So they say.

Massive cow manure mound burns for third month

The other day I was asking myself what Nebraska is famous for these days:

-Football?   No, they suck now.
-Vicious gay murders?   No, that was Wyoming.
-2000-ton flaming piles of sh!t?   Bingo.

Gitmo Soldier Details Sexual Tactics

One of maledom’s biggest fantasies is to have a sexy female interrogator get “info” out of them. But:

“…smearing a Saudi man’s face with fake menstrual blood.” ????

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm….. I think I’ll pass.

Strom Thurmond’s Secret Daughter Speaks Out

“I’m glad he’s dead,” she said. No wait, that was me.

Nicorette, NASCAR sign sponsorship deal

I contend that being a NASCAR fan will take more years off your life than smoking. Nicorette can’t save you from substandard housing, intrafamilial relations, and talking like there’s a squirrel lodged in your throat. Or can it?