Having the best-cooked beef tenderloin in Christmas history.

Getting diverted to Hartford instead of Boston, getting dumped off the plane with no transportation or hotel or anything late on a snowy night by Satan’s favorite airline, Song.

Getting the hottest shoes on the planet from Kenneth Cole Reaction and a fly belt to boot.

Enjoying much-anticipated QT with the rents and grandrents.

Eating ridiculously delicious goose at Cafe de France in Winter Park.

Using a Sonicare. You should throw away your 3-year-old toothbrush and get one. You know who you are.

“Official site of Stu Scott’s screwed-up eye”

Photos Show Dubya Seriously Ill

I’ve been telling people all along that Dubya had a stroke and never fully recovered.

Stammering, forgetfulness and uncoordination are not just lovable traits of our “Commander in Chief”. This is a little more important than FDR’s wimpy legs.

Quake toll passes 55,000 as relief operations stall

No comment.

Quake rattled Earth orbit, changed map of Asia: US geophysicist

The earth is now bound in an orbit that will carry us 1000 miles away from the sun in July. Asia’s shape won’t matter now because we’ll all be dead. You think I’m kidding?

George Carlin enters rehab for wine & vicodin

Those are just two of an estimated 6,523 reasons why George Carlin should be in rehab. Baby steps.

Gay penguins discovered

Elton John finally wore a regular tuxedo.