Mexican Town Surrenders to Rats
Atascaderos is officially the first town to fall in the Great Rat War that has raged in Mexico for more than three months. The national army outpost that stood for over 200 years burned to the ground last night as rats poured into the streets and took many victims.
The rat army has moved towards the Pacific coast, and its wake of destruction looks to go unabated for weeks to come.
Rats Overwhelm Bulgarian Capital
The European Rodent Liberation Army has swept through central Bulgaria, spreading pestilence and AIDS at an alarming rate. Albania will likely fall by week’s end, and the rat warlords will surely be bent on attacking the heart of Europe: Slovenia
If Slovenia should fall, war analysts predict the rats would easily march across Germany and France, as years of overeating and laziness have rendered most Central Europeans incapable of killing the army of roughly 10,000 rats-per-human.
The evolution of the flying rat has begun right on schedule.
Boy with leukemia needs home without rats
Doctors have diagnosed the boy with a potentially-fatal combination of extreme leukemia and third-degree rat bites, and the outlook has worsened over the last few hours.
With the rats holding the boy hostage inside his home, doctors are unable to reach him to replenish his precious bodily fluids. Police and emergency authorities estimate the boy has about 6 more hours before he succombs to his crippling diseases. Developing…
