Five convicted in first criminal trial since Enron’s collapse
What will happen to their idiot housewives? What about their brat kids? How long will they survive with the man of house in the pokey? Find out on Fox’s new reality show, “Daddy’s in Jail and Mommy’s Lying on the Floor”
Aides deny Yasser Arafat in coma
Even if he was, would it matter? Yasser Arafat is the Tom Daschle of Palestinian politics. The only thing in this world that’s less effective than Arafat’s leadership is the D.A.R.E. program.
‘Lewd rubbing’ shuts Paris statue
Frankly, I’m surprised statues in France and other European countries aren’t more sexually-harassed. Europeans are typically worse at strong, masculine behavior than Americans or even Gambians, so women are often left unharassed and wanting.
These women often turn to therapeutic statue-molesting in order to vent their desires. The result is a select few statues spattered across Europe who have embarassing damage from all of the groping. Si pathétique.
Man hops fence, tries to convert lions to Christianity
I truly love fanatical Christians. There’s hardly a group on Earth with such anti-social bravado, let alone the ability to abuse it.
Not content to shackle the souls of mere homo sapiens, fervent Christians have now started to convert the rest of the animal kingdom. Leaders of the movement hope that animals will be able to donate and contribute to their local churches, and perhaps distract from the deviant sex abuse scandals.
The Mets just keep re-writing the book on losing. Bravo.
USPS, Postal Service settle in name dispute
Strangely, the Postal Service duo won out, and the USPS will now be known as the United States Postal Commission. Crazy.
