“More than 40 non-stop flights to The Gambia each day”

Over the weekend, I went to a Halloween party in D.C., and guess who showed up?

Dubya AND JFK were there. Dubya was dressed as a female leprechaun, and Kerry was Dubya.

Ugh, I really need to stop drinking.

-Big Al Gore

Planets’ alignment declares Kerry winner

“It is cosmic writ that George W. Bush cannot become president of United States again.”

I guess I’m not the only one who’s been saying this. Also, the Redskins lost this weekend, which declares Kerry the winner, and even John Zogby said on The Daily Show that Kerry would win based on his company’s polls.

Who wants to go to Vegas with me before tomorrow’s results are in?

Calf with 7 legs needs home

Well, seven is usually a lucky number…

Come on, someone’s gotta be willing to give this ridiculous beast a loving home.

Just think of all the uses you could get out of having a 7-legged calf.

I would teach him to tap dance.

Girl With Rare Disease Doesn’t Know Pain

The disease is known as “Superhuman Fantastic Disease”. Those afflicted by the disease are typically able to fight harder, crush walnuts in their teeth, and walk across hot coals better than anyone. Including seven-legged calves.

If you make her listen to U2’s new album, she’ll learn what pain is real quick.