Game Three Box Score

In the most unbelievable storyline in playoff history of any sport, the Red Sox find themselves in the once-invincible position of being up 3-0 in a best-of-seven series.

Thanks to a ridiculous performance by Pedro in his World Series debut, Manny’s tone-setting jack, Foulke’s automaticity, and Jeff Suppan screwing everything up that he possibly could, the Sox slapped the Cards for a solid 4-1 win last night.

The best part about the whole thing is that Boston could burn down in joy either tonight, tomorrow, Saturday, or if it came down to it, hopefully Sunday.

I hope the cops hang on every pitch to find out if 500,000 2,000,000 people will be flooding the streets.

If the Sox sweep the Cards, it’s the fault of bullpen catcher Jeff Murphy, who was ominously dusting a mound with a broom last night. Jackalope. Even McCarver called him out for that stupid crap.

Did you hear about the new videotaped terrorist threat? The reason given for the attack is that we elected George W. Bush.

I guess on Nov. 2nd, it comes down to Kerry = ??? and Bush = Massive Death.

Rock the vote!

-Big Al Gore

Lazy U.S. Marshal does diddly all day

Some savvy Boston Globe reporters managed to snap this worthless idiot putting groceries into his car. During the DAYTIME.

Busted! You naughty boy.

If there’s any justice, that stolen pension, free vehicle, and smug sense of satisfaction he gets from ripping taxpayers off will all be stripped away in an embarassing scene.

Man tries to run over Rep. Katherine Harris

“I was exercising my political expression,” Seltzer told police. Classic.

Hairdresser moonlights as anti-road rage singer for kids

This guy is an Amber Alert waiting to happen.

First of all, he’s British. Secondly, he’s a hairdresser. And on top of all that, he writes soothing songs for kids so that they can handle what they “see outside or feel outside when they got cars whizzing past.”

If that’s not an attempt to get into a 6-year-old’s pants, I don’t know what is.

Check it: beepbeephonkhonk.com

Japan refuses to withdraw from Iraq

Damn right!

How messed up, you ask? This messed up:

-Spent my last $110 on a ridiculous towing charge
-Walked approximately 3 miles to get to the place
-Almost stepped on a dead bird
-Saw a dwarf lady darting across a busy intersection
-Talked to a cop named Lou
-Stepped in a bowl of cat food on a sidewalk
-Found this badass cop-beating riot game

I can’t wait for the afternoon… yey.

“Giving hope to orphaned koalas for 37 years”