Yo! If you’re looking for a last-minute halloween costume, look no further than the Wacko Jacko mask.

For only $49.99, you get a mask made from the same porcelain used in Michael’s face, and the same horsehair that came off of Seattle Slew’s dead body.

Trust me, the ladies dig it.

Super Timor® Party in a Can! - Download le clip

Dun-dun-dun!

The most famous bloody sock in baseball history, if not human history, has made another triumphant appearance in the 2004 postseason.

Curt “McGirt” Schilling threw 6 IP of 0 ER ball and watched the bullpen shut down the Crapbirds for a second straight game.

According to me, the feeling among Red Sox Nation is one of joy and confidence, but certainly not arrogance. Nothing will be taken for granted in this Series, except for the blizzard of idiotic crap that shoots out of Tim McCarver’s mouth.

Game 3 Tuesday Night @ tha Lou. Pedro v. Suppan

Bring it, fools.

Know what’s funny? I just remembered that while I was Veep, I installed a secret compartment in the billiard room at Number One Observatory Circle.

In it, I think I put a box of twinkies, a 6-pack of Dr. Pepper, and the map to Aaron Burr’s gold. Sweet. Now I just have to… hm…

-Big Al Gore

House of Rep. Bill 163 - The Draft

Yes, the DRAFT.

Attention all 18-26 year olds in America:

The 108th Congress is trying its damndest to pass House Bill 163, the description of which is as follows:

To provide for the common defense by requiring that all young persons in the United States, including women, perform a period of military service or a period of civilian service in furtherance of the national defense and homeland security, and for other purposes.

The “military service” is national service and the “period” is 2 years.

So let’s pay a little attention to both Dubya’s and Kerry’s intentions with this bill before November 2nd rolls around, shall we?

Ashlee Simpson suffers lip-sync meltdown

What will the consequences be for this catastrophic embarassment? Nothing!

Simpson’s label will have her killed in a tragic, media-friendly death so that her image not only lives on, but sells a ton of merch and dodges the whole fake artist thing.

In a few weeks, everyone will have forgotten about her and the shady SNL incident, and the pop world will go back to how it was before she died. Shoulda read the fine print in her contract.

Hilarious, torturous video can be found here

Just when you thought it was heroin doing all of the terrorist-funding, look out, fake purses want a piece of the action. Similar to the way terrorist groups claim responsibility for bombings, black market industries are vying to be the #1 cause of terrorist proliferation.

Currently, heroin still has the lead, but others are gaining rapidly:

Top 5 Terrorism Funding Sources
1. Heroin
2. Oil
3. Fake purses
4. American Idol winner, Kelly Clarkson
5. Sex slaves

Fans Fall Victim To Bogus Ticket Sellers

I apologize to every person I have misled or sold false tickets to, but that’s just the nature of the business. Thanks for your patronage.

Does Arafat have Gallstones or Flu?

Neither! Carnitine Palmitoyltransferase Deficiency!

“Maker of delicious rat cheese since 1986″