1. Find a deer
In order to enjoy deer meat, you need to kill a deer. Deer typically love to frolic in meadows. Once you are able to snag a deer, tickle its belly and give it a false sense of security.
2. Strangulation
Once the deer is comfortable, tie a rope around its neck. Make sure that noose is tight, because once you start strangling that mofo, it’s gonna buck like crazy. Wear gloves.
3. De-rectify
Out of respect for the cherished hobo tradition, hunters typically remove and donate deer rectums to local stragglers. The hobos, like the French fur traders, barter the prizes for booze, fool’s gold, and/or toothless prostitutes.
4. Saw in half
To get to that delicious dead deer meat, you gotta chop that deer in half. Use a handsaw for the delicate spots, and a chainsaw for the more difficult areas. This is usually the most embarassing part of the process for the deer carcass.
5. Rip out guts
Hooooowee! It’s Christmas in July. Lookie what Santa brought this year. Inside the pinata you’ll find gifts a plenty, including the bladder, liver, and the gigantic, undescended third testicle found in male deer.
6. Serve!
Now that you’ve got a crapload of deer meat that will probably ruin within 2 days, you’d better have a big appetite. Hopefully you’re a hillbilly with 17 kids who can feast off the rotting buck before it completely spoils. Bon appetit!
What would the penalty be if someone were to hit President Bush with a water balloon on one of his campaign stops?
Finally, Jon Stewart does our work for us by showing up on Crossfire and publicly throwin’ down on Carlson, the show, and CNN for its absurd partisan theatre. Even has bowtie jokes. Sada tay.
I know I often joke about the food situation in Peru, but this is the final punchline. It seems Peru has been developing a Super Guinea Pig over the last 34 years to become a national food staple. 
Just when you thought the Sox couldn’t win 12- and 14-inning games in a row, the coolest man alive smacks you upside your grill.
