I thought last night’s debate was an even match. Bush dodged 56 questions, Kerry made up 61 statistics. Pretty good average.

All I did was lie about the internet and Prince William.

God, I’m lame.

-Big Al Gore

Bush, Kerry Attacks Misleading And Out of Context

Nearly every single thing said in last night’s debate was, by legal definition, misleading. The American people have nearly zero ability to discern the validity of certain statistics or reports, making it a field day for politicians to tell them “whatever they want to hear.”

During a 47-minute period in the middle of the debate, I counted 38 factual inaccuracies, 19 unanswered questions, 11 lies, and 14 different references to non-existant goverment agencies.

Oil, China Push U.S. Trade Deficit Near Record

It’s good to know that our brilliant oilman president has done all he can to destroy our economy with his shady money-making schemes. Every Saudi and Texan with rank in the oil industry are out buying private islands right now.

Supreme Court To Consider Juvenile Death Penalty

Only in a system with “no litmus test” for Supreme Court justices and the right-wing “Throw ‘em all in prison, hell, kill ‘em all” policy could the death penalty even exist, let alone be enforced on juveniles. The message it sends is that no matter how young or old, if you commit a serious crime, you’ll probably get no second chance in life. Even in America. So if you want to go on a murderous rampage, you better go to Paraguay or something instead.

Breast Implants Latest Fad Among Shanghai Men

Shanghai has always been at the forefront of fashion and social trends. The latest installment of their cultural dominance is the increasing amount of men getting breast implant surgeries.

The operations, which have been subjects of jokes for over 30 years, have finally gone from kitsch to cool. Sociologists predict male breast implant surgeries will sweep across Asia, and that divorce rates will grow up to 40%.