70% Chance Mt. St. Helen’s Will Erupt

It’s predicted to be the most catastrophic natural phenomenon in the Northwest’s history. Millions will have to evacuate and death tolls are estimated to be around 200,000.

Psych!

Hong Kong Leader Gets Bitchslapped

He deserved it, too. He was at a reception with Chinese delegates, and told them that the Beijing 49ers “totally blow” and that they “can’t ever get in the end zone.”

This prompted a vicious pummelling from the Chinese visitors, including an open-palmed slap across the face, which witnesses say could be heard for 2 miles.

Japanese schools use computer chips to keep tabs on children

I figured they already did. I mean, they’ve been planting them in their heads for over…

nevermind.