After floods and wild goats have destroyed many of the rich honey producing lands, Bee Keepers have been left in search of work. Though one might imagine this kind of devastation would lead to forced prostitution, many of the Bee Keepers have found sweet jobs within municipal governments. Many feel that this may be due to strong ties between the Honey Collectors 412 and the Local Steelworkers 912, others feel it is a grave oversight caused by filing errors at Human Resources.

“Great but not good”

I hate how in Excel, if you hold down Control and select different cells, you can’t unselect them. WTF????

This is worse than Chernobyl and all of the problems it caused combined.

Billy Joel to tie the knot

Despite recent speculation from synapticblur.com and other online media outlets about his patriotism, Billy Joel will go ahead and marry his long-time girlfriend this weekend. Joel, 67, will wed a 26-year-old student named Larry in a quiet ceremony in New Jersey.

“Two years ago, he checked into rehab, having lost more than 15kg after consuming nothing but red wine for almost two months.”

See? That’s what I’m talking about. Damn!

Unfortunate Whale Speared by Cruise Ship

As I’ve told many people on many occasions, one of the top 10 all-time ways to die has to be “getting run over by a cruise ship.”

The National Oceanic Waste Commission has said it will use the whale carcass to teach other whales the dangers of floating near cruise ships.

Soccer: Rooney is dazzling in his United debut

this dude is the real deal. i can already see the decade’s worth of headlines, such as “Superstar Rooney Arrested in Record-Breaking Coke Bust”

Hundreds Of Aftershocks Follow 6.0 Quake

The biggest of which being that Gary Coleman is gay. Who knew?