It has come to my attention that over the course of his career, pop singer Billy Joel has expressed deep anti-American sentiment. There have been rumors of Joel’s connections to Al Qaeda, but definitive proof has not yet been found.
I have compiled some of the most important evidence against Mr. Joel, in order to aid any such investigation as to his potential as a terrorist.
1. 1987 album “F#ck the USA” released by Joel to mild critical acclaim. He says the album title was “a child’s joke” but I refuse to believe him.
2. Comment made to Time Magazine in 1981 interview:
“I’ve got a lot of beef with America right now. If I was a billionaire, I’d buy my own country somewhere in the Middle East. Muahahaha!”
3. Lyrics to the 1974 song “Roberta”
“Roberta, how I’ve adored you
I’d ask you over but I can’t afford you
I’m spendin’ all my money
Tryin’ to blow up the Golden Gate Bridge”
4. Ultra-sketchy moustache and hair
Sporting the symbolic mullet of the dissident in 1975, Billy Joel was a leading radical in the pro-Middle East movement. Just sayin’.
If you play Piano Man backwards it says:
“all hail allah, kill infidels, i am better than Elton John, kill infidels and Elton John”
Comment by Snackmaster3k — September 28, 2004 @ 2:06 pm
Billy Joel isn’t even his real name.
His real name is Abdelkarim Mohammed Al-Joel.
We must not let him strike first
Comment by chris — September 28, 2004 @ 2:24 pm
Does this mean that we can bomb Jake Ivory’s? Because there is nothing wrong with that. Nothing.
Comment by Bobby Savoy — September 28, 2004 @ 5:34 pm
Billy Joel has long claimed that he and his fellow Al Qaeda co-horts didn’t “Start The Fire”, and has instead blamed American political leaders like Harry Truman and Western cultural figures such as Doris Day.
Comment by ted — September 28, 2004 @ 6:41 pm
When Billy Joel married Christie Brinkley, he faced criticism for stealing the hottest woman alive from the public.
He justified the marriage to Barbara Walters: “This will set the infidels back a bit. Now that I have America’s prized jewel, I will hold it ransom until I get my plutonium…”
Comment by chris — September 29, 2004 @ 9:31 am