Duped Rather Admits Huge, Huge, Huge ‘Mistake’
On Sunday at his grandson Joey’s 6th birthday, Rather was giving a speech when he mistakenly called his daughter’s son “Johnny.”
Rather was immediately scolded by family members for the error, at which point the news anchor called his lead researcher on a cell phone and calmly told him “That’s it. You’ll be dead in 24 hours.” Rather then apologized to Joey and the party nervously continued.
Seven dead at kite-flying festival
Still, this isn’t the bloodiest kite festival in Pakistan history. Not by a long shot.
Romanian Prostitutes Offer Discounts
In order to snuff out the influx of foreign prostitutes into Romania, local whores have banded together to offer discounts. Deals will range from 10% to 50%, depending on the size of the knife you hold to the hooker’s throat.
Romanian pimps have declared that they will not be footing the bill for the discounts. “They still owe us the same amount,” pimp leader Vaklov Smackov said. “If they try to shortchange us, blood will fill the streets.”
Reebok Recalling Iverson Toddler Shoes
A.I. almost got away with it. In his 2001 song, “Kill ‘Em All”, Iverson rapped that he would “Kill every baby in Philly somehow.”
Investigators say they were never quite sure how Iverson would begin his assault on the city’s children, but after his plot to use shoddy toddler shoes to choke babies, police say they were “not surprised” by Iverson’s tactics.
“Relatives of people killed or injured in kite flying accidents held a demonstration in Lahore last year urging the government to maintain its ban on selling and flying kites.”
Remember when a teacher would confiscate a toy because you were misusing it? How sad is it when a whole government takes away your Kites because you cannot play with them safely?
Comment by Snackmaster3k — September 21, 2004 @ 1:34 pm
I remember the last time a teacher took a toy away from me.
I was in 10th grade and playing with my flowbee when I accidentally shaved the girl in front of me bald.
I guess there was some length attachment I didn’t put on.
Comment by chris — September 21, 2004 @ 2:52 pm
I do recall that schools in The Southern States were rocked by Flobee-Related injuries…
If only congress had resisted the strong Flobee Lobby and banned those infernal machines.
Comment by Snackmaster3k — September 21, 2004 @ 3:28 pm
The South is Ronco’s backyard.
Various Ronco products, such as the Flobee, as well as the Foot Scraper and the Squirrel Roaster, have sustained the South’s vitality through these harsh years.
And after all, you can’t spell “South Carolina” without “Juice Weasel”
(Southerners: that’s a joke. You really can)
Comment by chris — September 21, 2004 @ 3:41 pm