Duped Rather Admits Huge, Huge, Huge ‘Mistake’
On Sunday at his grandson Joey’s 6th birthday, Rather was giving a speech when he mistakenly called his daughter’s son “Johnny.”
Rather was immediately scolded by family members for the error, at which point the news anchor called his lead researcher on a cell phone and calmly told him “That’s it. You’ll be dead in 24 hours.” Rather then apologized to Joey and the party nervously continued.
Seven dead at kite-flying festival
Still, this isn’t the bloodiest kite festival in Pakistan history. Not by a long shot.
Romanian Prostitutes Offer Discounts
In order to snuff out the influx of foreign prostitutes into Romania, local whores have banded together to offer discounts. Deals will range from 10% to 50%, depending on the size of the knife you hold to the hooker’s throat.
Romanian pimps have declared that they will not be footing the bill for the discounts. “They still owe us the same amount,” pimp leader Vaklov Smackov said. “If they try to shortchange us, blood will fill the streets.”
Reebok Recalling Iverson Toddler Shoes
A.I. almost got away with it. In his 2001 song, “Kill ‘Em All”, Iverson rapped that he would “Kill every baby in Philly somehow.”
Investigators say they were never quite sure how Iverson would begin his assault on the city’s children, but after his plot to use shoddy toddler shoes to choke babies, police say they were “not surprised” by Iverson’s tactics.
Sweet, sweet Time-Life books. They cover a million subjects, none of them relevant. 
