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Army plans to sedate, injure, kill goats to train medics PLAY VIDEO
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I no longer trust my government.
September 9, 2004
U.S. Army goat abuse 
I no longer trust my government.
NFL Season finally
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Aw cheah.
It’s that time of year again when people enjoy Sundays, fantasy football is all anyone ever does at work, and the Pats start their Super Bowl run.
To ring in the new season, the NFL features their only good matchup: Indianapolis at New England. The game starts around 9:00 EST, but televised festivities begin at 8:00. Thank god.
Scheduled performers tonight include Elton John and Jessica Simpson, making this the new worst idea the NFL’s ever had.
Best of luck to both teams, and all of the other teams playing the Pats this year.
You’ll need it, losers.
The Proceedings of the Old Bailey
Back in merry ole England during the 17th-19th centuries, the legal system was far more brutal and disgusting than it is today.Common were violent arrests, shocking crimes, prejudiced judges, and brutal punishments.
Search over 100,000 criminal trials from April 1674 to December 1799 in London
I can tell you that there are more grotesque, yet hilarious, crimes described in there than you would ever think possible. Nearly every trial account is as delicious as it is difficult to read.
Popular crimes:
Barratry, coining, threatening behaviour
Popular punishments:
Branding, death, whipping, transportation
Some highlights:
One woman committed buggery: “…with a certain Mungril Dog, and wickedly, divellishly, and against nature had venerial and Carnal copulation with him…”
Another woman’s infanticide: “…barbarously murthered it by crushing the head, and wounding it both in the scull and eyes (as is supposed) with a pair of Sizzars, and then fairly puts it into a Platter and sets it upon a shelf.”
Dubya don’t need no stinking physical exams
Dubya was suspended from flying in National Guard
Ah, the ultimate political miscue: screwing up National Guard service.
Afraid of turning and/or coughing, George W. Bush dodged a physical exam in 1972. As a result, he was suspended from the Texas Air National Guard. Bush was also reprimanded in 1971 for a performing a control tower fly-by, causing his lieutenant to comically spill coffee on his uniform. Twice.
The President defended his record Thursday, “I have absolutely no explanation for this, ask my press secretary. I have no knowledge about any such National Guard, and if any of you folks have seen my car keys, please let me know. I can’t find ‘em anywhere.”
No word as of yet if Congress will seek impeachment for the cover-up.
Thursday
Red Sox sweep A’s; psyched to watch Patriots on tv
As of today, the Sox are 2 games behind los Spankees, 5 games up on Anaheim, and 33 games up on the Mariners in the wild card race.
“All of these wins and beatings have been nice, but we’re ready for the Pats to start the season. That Tom Brady has such a nice ass and eyes,” slugger David Ortiz said Wednesday after the Sox’ 8-3 win in Oakland.
Related: A-Rod likes the two-hole
In a popular but disturbing trend, Florida appears to be in the path of yet another massive hurricane, or “pain bomb”, as Floridians call them. Ivan kicked it up to 160 mph and plans on destroying the hopes and dreams of Jamaicans and Cubans before it sinks its teeth into America’s wang. 2004’s hurricane season has been God’s way of recycling mobile homes.
Intern MD Injects Patient With Olive Oil
Over the last 45 days, a group of Greek assassins have been attempting hits on influential people, striking fear in the hearts of many wealthy Australians. More developing…
Kerry played bass on 1961 album with rich loser kid friends
Dass right, ol’ Crackalack himself ripped it up with The Electras back in the day, pumping out early hip-hop and electronica rhythmsfrom their boarding school basement.
The band attributes most of their revolutionary sound to the dueling melodies of the saxophone and maracas, as well as the revolutionary drugs they purchased with their parents’ stolen money.
