105-Pound Virginia Woman Wins Lobster Eating Contest

this freak managed to wolf down 9.76 lbs. of lobster in 12 minutes. she’s also eaten 8.4 lbs. of beans ‘n’ pork in 3 minutes. and she holds the hard-boiled egg record, too. this puts her officially at #3 on the list of Most Disgusting Women behind Courtney Love and that Russian gymnast.

Dead blacksnake used as weapon in beating

just when you thought you’d seen all of the beatings-by-reptile you’d ever see, welcome to New Jersey. this particular six-foot-long blacksnake was used as a whip to teach a Bon Jovi fan a lesson. when the debate between Kenny Davis, 42, and his gay lover broke out about if “Slippery When Wet” was better than “New Jersey”, Kenny ended the debate by proclaiming, “‘Slippery When Wet’ is the best album of all time,” and proceeded to whip his partner 22 times with the snake until he submitted. reportedly, this is how most Bon Jovi debates end up.

6:20AM AST - No love for gypsies

Athens’ gypsies being kept hidden during Olympics

Athens - I always knew that the return of the Olympic Games to Athens would mark the beginning of the Gypsy War. Now it’s all coming together.

Greek officials have been herding the 1.5 million or so gypsies of Athens to live in landfills while their homes are being demolished for parking lots. All it will take is one inspirational speech from Johnny Depp, a gypsy himself, and we will have ourselves a full-blown gypsy rampage over the Greek countryside.

“If only we had electricity and running water — we would be kings.”

	Apollo Creed Greek Olympic Leisure Correspondent
	Three days ago, I was wandering around the badminton facility, and out back I saw Puck from the Real World injecting ‘roids into a member of the Chinese team. As I began to question them about it, they jumped me with knives and brass knuckles. I woke up 15 minutes ago in a dumpster, but with both kidneys. Whew, that was lucky!