Monthly Archives: July 2004
| Official rating: | 66 |
this album, Antics, sounds as if interpol is going through its own vietnam. it’s not a struggle within, but it’s not against the world, either. it’s all about survival. no energy to waste, cause it takes all they’ve got. this isn’t a particularly moody album, it sticks to a clear pattern. bubbly light bulb suitmod rock on the comedown.
unfortunately, interpol doesn’t possess the sheer amount of energy required to keep the sound they have chosen above water. the clumsily metronomic rhythm is like a long bamboo bridge over a wide river, and they use any trick necessary to support it.
it’s impossible to make every section strong though; there’s no better evidence of this than the opening and closing tracks. it’s the dopey goth kid at a middle school dance.
Antics is wholly distracted, perhaps confused, about which direction to go, so the obvious solution is to just revert. the album falls short of instinctual panic or excitement, so its morphined brain has to make a decision, but time’s running out.
so the cheesy early 60′s are surprisingly clear in this album. yeah. i’ve never seen such a precipitous decline in the quality of lyrics between any two albums quite like this.
what we’re left with is a rigid zombie guitar monster, and the phone is off the hook. there’s no dialing 911. no one can save you, or me, or them even.
Lyrics here:
www.ambitious-outsiders.com
News networks let American military censor images from broadcast of Saddam’s hearing
what a shocker. one small step for conservatives, one giant leap for stalinism.
the cause is, as of now, unknown.
where’s Sacheen Littlefeather??????
i want answers.
Saddam defiant in court; misses pilates class
colin powell mentioned that we should “assume Saddam’s innocent”, which is completely right. no matter how many kurds he ordered slaughtered, and so on. he’s milosevic meets OJ.
the most dramatic moment of yesterday’s hearing came when one of the tribunal members asked Saddam if he had ever “made it to second base”, at which point Saddam said “ew, gross!” and calmly shot the orange nerf ball into the hoop.
nothin’ but net.
Delaware Lawmakers Limit Tongue Splitting
i never thought i’d see this day come. delaware’s legislature is taking unprecedented steps in the direction of state ownership of a citizen. the purpose of this bill is to limit citizens’ rights regarding their own tongues. but the effect of this bill will be the ability for any state to adopt more and more legislation allowing them to control our body parts, one by one.
i’m officially calling it now. there will be a larger movement for states or regions to secede from the united states government. the “50 dirty thieves” as bush referred to them, also known as the 50 states of the US, are bloodthirsty for more power, and they’ll stop at nothing, even making us not fork our tongues, to get it. this is the proverbial snowball at the top of a mountain. viva los wisconsin!
Angry ‘ghost’ rips worker’s arm off
it’s not as funny as it sounds. i bet most people have never had a ghost encounter, much less one that involves getting your arm blown off by a fire extinguisher that just rocketed up 12 floors of a building after it sprung a leak. although mine was unbelievably similar…
during most of the 14th and 15th centuries, helper monkeys were abound in Europe, as common as pets as dogs are in America today. over the years, helper monkeys have seen the faces of both praise and blame, being credited as the “meat & potatoes” of the Renaissance as well as “Plague-riddled assbags”. but now, they’re back.
“oh lord god, they’re back in boston??!”, you ask? indeed they are. it all started in the basement of “Dr. M.J. Willard”, who was actually named for Michael Jordan despite being born 17 years before #23 became a household name. as it were, Dr. MJ had just ingested a massive dose of a hallucinogens and stared at the poster on his wall, shown at left, for what ended up being 49 straight hours. then it dawned on him. “why don’t i sell monkeys to handicapped humans?”
Dr. MJ believed the idea that breeding and selling chimps could be a lucrative business in the handicap aide industry, so he started Helping Hands. HH specializes in raising chimps so that they may be happily sold off for $25,000 a pop.
so now, HH sells nearly 1.3 million monkeys a year to Boston area handicapped people, immeasurably enriching the lives of those who are most monkey-needy. i know for a fact that if i could get my hands on a helper monkey, i could single-handedly rule our apartment with an iron fist, if not the world.
Sharapova Beats Davenport to Reach Final
representing the beautiful people across the world, maria sharapova now gets to battle either the american beast or the french beast in the wimbledon final.
i don’t give a crap what time the final comes on, or what the score will be, or if mary “yes, i’m a man” carillo will call the match. nothing matters. i’m watching. also, she’s the 2nd youngest to ever reach the final.
click the pic for a gallery
Ritual sex ‘victim’ stands by claim
ritual sex victims are always the least credible. they tend to be pasty, angry goths or dumb virgins that get caught up in a weird, but not dangerous, moment that they end up blabbing to the news about. then they blame the cosmos or “the couple” but we all know they knew exactly what they were getting in to.
this particular girl just happened to be a stripper as well. and in a recent stripper poll, ritual sex was the #2 activity strippers do other than stripping, being edged out this year by horseback riding
Sneakiest primates have biggest brains
hm did you know there’s a “Machiavellian intelligence theory”? i did too, and this supports it. anyway, this is saying that apes and people with the ability to deceive have a crapload of neocortex in their skull, and are therefore, much, much more intelligent than anyone else. in related news, dick cheney has been officially named the smartest monkey to ever walk the earth.
700 Attend Memorial Service For Slain Police Dog
yet further evidence that people have too much time on their hands. either that, or the people in the area are so uninteresting that they all feel it’s necessary to attend a dog’s funeral. mass attendance a dog’s funeral is easily the most eye-rolling news i’ve heard in a while. seriously though, when someone discovers an actual bigfoot, it’s going to completely mess up our world as we know it.
-Manute Bol Seriously Hurt in Car Accident
-Patients Die After Getting Rabies-Infected Organs
-Los Angeles Lakers in “serious discussions” with Duke’s Krzyzewski
