Naked man covered in nacho cheese arrested

normally when a man goes streaking in Tennessee while covered in cheese, the cops don’t mind. but this time, $40 worth of chips were stolen and someone crapped in a garbage can, making it an automatic Code Red for the local police. i’m sure the suspect was immediately beaten and covered in fire ants to teach him a lesson. a lesson he shall soon forget…

Three Vermont Spas Raided in Asian Sex Slave Bust

it seems this is all Vermont ever gets noticed for. in the last year alone, there have been about 20 sex slave rings busted in Vermont. i read somewhere that at least 17% of the state’s population is in some way connected to a sex slave organization, whether it be Asian or Gambian or both. at this rate, Vermont will no longer be nationally known for its per capita drug use, but instead for its Chinese alien sex slave culture.

ABC, NBC accuse Fox of stealing ideas for shows

talk about new lows. the only way that ABC and NBC could possibly get themselves noticed these days is to claim that Fox is stealing their ideas for reality shows. that’s the equivalent of Mercedes-Benz or BMW claiming that Chevy stole their idea for the El Camino. time for ABC and NBC to merge and take everyone over in a violent, bloody coup