“The Last Stop in South Carolina for Fireworks”

Kerry Picks Edwards - NYPost botches story

i was sort of hoping kerry would pick malcolm jamal warner to be his running mate, but i guess we can’t always get what we want.

actually, between the wussiness and the drawly accents, i always get john edwards confused with clay aiken, so i’m hoping this presidential race will differentiate those two in my mind. besides, co-winner of american idol and vice president of the u.s. are practically the same job.

Sinkhole swallows giraffe and ostrich at zoo

there are few things more riveting than a news article that has a quote like this, “Nothing but the ankles of the giraffe were visible when I went out there.”

also, a giraffe falling into a sinkhole is comedy gold. word on the street is that the next eddie murphy film will feature such a scene.

Kobayashi Sets Hot Dog Eating World Record

in what is routinely the most disgusting contest in america each year, the lance armstrong of the hot dog eating world set the record again this weekend for eating 53.5 hot dogs in 12 minutes.

as a purely physiological feat, kobayashi actually ate 1.56 times his own body weight’s worth of hot dogs that day, but that’s still not as impressive as that giant rack of ribs the flintstones get in the intro of each episode.

Hubble discovers 100 new planets

it’s looking more and more like religion is a hoax. when we find life on some planet, will the world’s religions, or at least the ones that give man divine rights, all freak out and close shop or just say “the Bible never said it couldn’t be true…”

Man Judged Insane Is Called for Jury Duty

want to know what he was judged insane for? stabbing his girlfriend in the eyes with a steak knife. have a nice day.