Monthly Archives: June 2004

as far as spin doctoring goes, everyone’s a little guilty. but michael moore has somehow become the pimp of the world based on his ability to charmingly, yet completely, mislead his audience.

his academy-award winning movie, bowling for columbine, features numerous statistics and “facts” that are read aloud and shown with little contextual support. and that’s where moore succeeds.

i could go on and on about the disappointing, opinionated vagueness moore uses in what could’ve been a true documentary, but many other people already have.

so before you go see fahrenheit 9/11, here are some relevant links regarding moore’s previous film, bowling for columbine:

-David T. Hardy’s now-famous critique

-imdb.com’s page

Woman Tries to Rip Off Cracker Barrel By Planting Mouse In Soup

“‘We learned that the mouse died from a fractured skull before it entered the soup,’ Cracker Barrel spokeswoman Julie Davis said. In addition, the animal had no soup in its lungs, nor had it been cooked.”

easily the dumbest thing i’ve ever heard of. ever. since i was born. a long time ago.

Giant Dead Illegal Royal Sturgeon Stolen

huh? yeah, some dude in wales caught a sturgeon (caviar fish) that was 9 feet long. but since they’re “royal” fish, the catcher must first offer the fish to the Queen. yeah, weird. but yeah, if she says “naw”, he has to give it away or keep it. but he sold it for caviar money, and now faces possible fines and imprisonment.

so the cops impounded the bloated fish carcass, and magically, the enormous, stinking fish is missing thanks to some desperate thieves. if anyone smells the stench of a 9-foot royal dead fish coming from the trunk of a car, please contact local authorities.

New Diet Preaches Removal of 40-lb. Tumors

not so good, al. some african lady had a uterine tumor the six times the weight of an average child, and 40% of her body weight. which apparently makes her normal weight 60 lbs. learn from her, and if you ever have a 35 lb. tumor in you, don’t wait until it’s 40 lbs. before you do something about it.

Junior Seau apologizes for using “faggot” slur at team banquet

good stuff. ol boy junior seau (dolphins linebacker, non-gamblers), managed to apologize rather quickly for his very inpolitically-correct statement Wednesday Night at a Dolphins banquet.

isn’t this spartan show of affection the real story? yikes. we are in the lands of the tumuchinfo tribe. anyway, read the quotes in the article, it’s good.

(click on the pic for a bigger version)

a cop took this pic (note reflection), and apparently the woman was from new hampshire and thought that the goat should have a chance to see boston. word up.

i love how the goat and the woman are both looking into the camera

hopefully she didn’t just take him to that pizzeria uno behind them. he’ll never want to come back

“Official Home of the World’s Largest Sherman Oak Lumber Factory”

‘Fahrenheit 9/11′ to be released this month

strangely, three companies will be distributing. Lion’s Gate, IFC, and Fellowship Adventure Group (FAG - worst accidental(?) acronym ever), the last of which was set up by the weinsteins specifically for this movie. moore says “record” number of screens. boom.

-thanks to thewicked

CIA Chief George Tenet Resigns for Personal Reasons

personally, i wouldnt ever want the job of director of an intelligence agency, simply because what you don’t know can kill everyone else.

Severed Hand Falls From Sky Onto Boat

how many times has this happened in an eddie murphy movie? the pseudo-slapstick “throw the hand over the rail” trick always results in the comical disbelief of the overly normal family below. time to start throwing bigger and better things over rails.

Internet blamed over Japan schoolgirl knife murder

i wonder if she went bowling in columbine that morning.

ok, so, if i ever PO anyone by what i say on here, please don’t stab me to death. i’m mostly only kidding.

Naked Man Arrested Bathing in Car Wash

you know you’ve thought about it before, but you were just never completely drunk enough to actually do it. of course it made sense at the time, but once that turtle wax hardens, you’re in a world of hurt.

Note: taking a shower in the carwash is actually the 3rd most popular device in hobo technology behind the quintessential bag ‘n’ stick and extension cord belt.

Judge bars use of word ‘victim’ at Bryant trial

now only her name and “alleged victim” may be used to refer to her. also suggested by the defense: “dirtbag”, “slut”, “donkeycakes”, “lucy”, and “holy mother of whores”.

no matter what she gets called, it still won’t be as ridiculous as “kobe bean bryant”. if he wasn’t the best basketball player ever, he’d be working at KFC with a stupid name like that.

Man Commits Suicide After Sex with Hen

it seems like a story like this happens nearly every day, but i never get used to it.

you have to wonder about the set of circumstances that led the man to make a decision like that. was this the first time? was it consensual? did other animals have to watch?

Bush Keeps Saddam Gun at White House

how funny would it be if saddam escaped, made his way to the white house, snuck in, manages to attack dubya, and dubya shoots him with his own gun? that’d be crazy

“Argentina’s Number One Supplier of Medical Monkeys”