To the high school students of America:

Do not attend Hamilton College. Here’s a quick lesson why.

Hamilton is just like any other corporation: out for a profit, satisfied to take advantage of its customers. the pamphlets, the tours, the alumni; they’re all equally fake. just like food in commercials and the iraq invasion, they’re illusions used to make money.

i would love to see a survey on the students’ level of satisfaction with their classes. i bet it would be no better than disappointing, even compared to other schools. the faculty and administration serve to create a learning environment defined by unobtrusive apathy. “if you don’t waste my time, i won’t waste yours.” rarely is there any connection between a professor and his/her students, despite the many claims of small, intimate classrooms.

the trustees are intentionally unaccomodating to the student body. at no other school have i seen such a difficult social life. residence halls are divided into two pseudo-campuses, greek housing is non-existant, and off-campus residency is extremely limited. if someone showed me a list of 100 colleges and i had to rate their social atmospheres, i’d most likely put Hamilton at #100, not even tied with anyone.

for the mighty Continentals, social diversity is a sad joke; it wouldn’t surprise me if segregation was encouraged. hamilton’s diversity plan consists of quietly filling minimal quotas then patting themselves on the back for it at every photo op.

Hamilton also excels at exploiting its seclusion. as a haven for future CEOs, which are the only alumni that matter to the school, Hamilton uses its middle-of-nowhere location to provide a small, controlled environment for the future millionaires to learn how to control and manage, thus preparing them for financially successful careers. for the rest of the student body, it’s unnecessary isolation.

ultimately concerned with making money and maintaining a high U.S. News & World Report ranking, Hamilton College fills its quotas, lures its elite families, and further jams the knife into the belly of educational virtue. Hamilton is perfect evidence of why you should never, ever believe the pamphlet.

sincerely,
anonymous alumnus