Denzel Washington, one of Oprah’s favorite actors of our time, is mostly known for scowling and smiling at the same time, always showing the cameras a look they will never forget.

but denzel employs a secret trick of his to get that signature look in his eyes. i’ve done some research, and denzel apparently gets the movie crew to put a small tv monitor nearby offstage, so that denzel can glance over to watch some porn every now and then.

by doing so, denzel’s moods can quickly change, and he can focus on the mood that the porn guides him in, and hopefully achieve the mood necessary for his role. here are some examples:

	1. Surprise Denzel appears, perhaps, to have seen someone very large, as if he wasn’t expecting the person(s) involved to succeed in doing the things he’s watching.
	2. Anger Denzel is often a religious man, so whatever is going on in the porn in front of him here is clearly causing much trouble in his heart. He may just be watching the Devil himself doing something freaky.
	3. Excitement He likes what he sees. In fact, he likes it so much, he wants to be there. See the joy in his eyes? He’s like a kid in a candy store.
	4. Relaxation Sometimes you just need to unwind. Denzel often has a high level of tension in his characters, so using a calmer appeal at times gives his work more balance. Here he is probably watching midgets, which he said, in interviews, give him “much comfort.”
	5. Curiosity While Denzel is no stranger to the wide world of porn, there are still a few things that can pique his interest. While he tends to peer with a skeptical eye at most porn, this time Denzel has a twinkle in it, letting you know that he’s a lifelong student.
	6. Flabbergastation Truly some porn worth looking at. His face says it all. Thanks to just watchin’ that porn, he has become one of the greatest actors of our time.

General: Troops in Iraq Now Have Body Armor

until now, there has been a shortage of bulletproof vests in Iraq, which forced many soldiers to pay for body armor themselves. which means those troops were sent to war without necessary equipment, and expected to spend several thousand of their own dollars to buy it. and the shortage is over because manufacturers made more. and you thought we cared about our troops…tsk….

Denny’s Cook Served Semenized Chicken Wings

urgh…sadly, this only ranks as the #6 Reason to Avoid Denny’s At All Costs. i swear, the one time i’ve ever been to denny’s, one of the sausage links i ordered actually had a big rat bite in it.

anyway, one of the cook’s victims apparently was a male police officer that had given him a traffic ticket. let this be a warning to all cops: any ticket you ever issue could end up like this. so don’t issue any more tickets. ever.

Extraterrestial Currency Developed in Bulgaria

some bulgarian currenciologist has managed to successfully develop a single, “cosmic” currency before the heavily-favored US/China research team.

after a moderate upset, the bulgarian team will have the honors of chosing the design of the “galactos”, and rumors speculate a portrait of former Entertainment Tonight host, John Tesh, will be chosen.

Western Airliners May Be al-Qaida Target

is it just me, or this a non-headline? ever since about 10AM on 9/11/01, i’ve pretty much assumed this to be true and capable of happening every single day since.

the militants behind this warn non-Westerners, “We ask them to return to the right path, to separate themselves from non-believers, to become their enemies and to fight holy war against them by money, word and weapon.”

referring to anything as “money, word, and weapon” rocks

“Official Homepage of the World’s Smallest Shrunken Head Exhibit”