“Largest Michael Jackson Home Video Archive on the Web”
May 26, 2004
May 25, 2004
Phish Break Up 
while i never got into them, or wanted to, i somehow find it newsworthy to mention that the band Phish has finally broken up.
instead of waiting for someone to die to break up, Phish has gone ahead and ended on a self-proclaimed “high note”
anybody know what number Phish breakup this is?
they’ll release their new album, Undermind, then start and finish their summer tour, which ends:
August 14 & 15 at the Coventry Festival in Newport, Vermont
for tickets to their final show at Coventry:
go here
Long Duck Tuesday
British baby conceived from sperm frozen 21 years ago
supa. this means we can all have kids well after we’ve died, something not even God planned for. the eventual effects of this procedure on society should be a castastrophic population boom and massive, hostile killer bee takeover war, but that shouldn’t be for at least a few more decades.
at first, the bees will come representing the wealthy, as they will be the only ones who can afford the procedure, as well as funding the bees’ training. but once the technology becomes bootlegged, the masses will fight back with semi-effective “beetraps”, and ultimately win the war of attrition, while unfortunately eradicating the british from the planet forever. meh.
Bush’s Public Approval Rating at New Low, Poll Says
this is fun news. 50% of people polled disapprove of the guy, which is the only statistic you need to know. nevermind his 2% approval rating (+/-45% error).
bush’s trademark has been to consistently set new lows, so this is right in line with his 4-year plan. whether it be miring us into a painful recession or massacring our foreign relations, Bush has been at the very least, unsurprising
Arkansas Family Marks Birth of 15th Child
all Arkansas jokes aside, the true problem with this story is the ridiculous name game the parents have been playing on their many, many, many children.
all 15 of their first names begin with “J”, the most egregious of them being “John-David” and “Jinger”. also, the father’s name is Jim Bob, giving the family a overall hillbilly quotient of firty, putting them #3 in the North American Standings.
May 24, 2004
Vermont vs. Wal-mart
what’s the only thing worse than a Top 10 List?
especially one that whines about preserving Vermont.
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| “What’s Wal-Mart?” |
in their yearly list of misguided charities/photo ops, aka “America’s 11 Most Endangered Places”, the National Trust for Historic Preservation dropped the bomb and listed the “State of Vermont” as endangered due to the expansion of American behemoth, Wal-Mart.
it may be hard to fathom for the shut-ins at the Natl. Trust for Whatever, but to call Wal-Mart out on expansion by the time it builds in Vermont has to be the most last-second, futile movement since the “Save David Caruso” campaign began after he left NYPD Blue.
the point is, Wal-Mart’s the biggest corporation in America for a good reason. oh look, they’ve already expanded everywhere else. vermont is the last place in america wal-mart would do business if they had their choice. oh wait, they do, and it is.
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| Vermont’s Beauty |
the Trust is claiming that “seven new mammoth mega-stores” (hyperbole, anyone?) and the already-existent FOUR (yes, that fits on one hand) Wal-Mart stores will destroy Vermont’s, yeah, get this…..”sense of place.”
if 11 Wal-Marts qualifies as ruining a place, Vermont appears to be the last state standing. the average number of Wal-Mart stores in the other 49 states is actually 179.3. ironic because the square footage of 179.3 Wal-Marts is actually larger than the entire state of Vermont.
anyway, hopefully Wal-Mart chills out on the megaxpansion, but at the same time, from now on let’s not unnecessarily add Vermont to a semi-newsworthy story just because nothing ever happens there cause i’ve clearly spent too much time on this already. something tells me a bad Michael Moore movie is just waiting to happen.
BCGTFO
Convicted Bus Driver Must Watch Surgery as Punishment
i know, you’ve already said “a clockwork orange” five times before you even finished reading the headlines.
Jaguar Loses Flawless Diamond Embedded in Formula 1 Car After Wreck
talk about the dumbest publicity stunt in F1 racing all year. jaguar decided to stick some $360,000 flawless diamond in the front bumper of some rookie’s car at the Monaco Grand Prix for some idiotic reason, and of course he wrecked straight into the barriers, and it was, of course, lost.
now for the irony. jaguar also had Ocean’s Twelve ads all over their cars, even inviting Clooney, Pitt, and Damon to the race. as of last report, Matt Damon was seen running along the highway in the Czech Republic with something flawlessly shiny in his hand.
Paula Abdul Upset Over Mangled Manicure
paula “post-op” abdul is suing some salon for “medical bills, lost profits and the extreme pain.”
this reminds of me of the time Larry Hassenplug, CEO of AT&T during the 90’s, blamed a 3rd-quarter operating loss of $2.4 billion on his shoddy manicure, and it worked! the Board gave him the benefit of the doubt, and he’s been there ever since.
Chinese man sues guru over raw frog cure
ah, the 2nd oldest chinese trick in the book. unsuspecting chumps have fallen victim to the old raw frog prescription trick, thinking it’s a harmless yet unknown cureall. in fact, raw frogs have been so overbred for so many centuries for these purposes, their mystical powers have been tragically diminished.
they were once known for their extreme effects on the spinal cord and metatarses, but now they’re merely used for AIDS treatment and when rubbed on the skin, a refreshing moisturizer with SPF 15.
