Convicted Bus Driver Must Watch Surgery as Punishment
i know, you’ve already said “a clockwork orange” five times before you even finished reading the headlines.
Jaguar Loses Flawless Diamond Embedded in Formula 1 Car After Wreck
talk about the dumbest publicity stunt in F1 racing all year. jaguar decided to stick some $360,000 flawless diamond in the front bumper of some rookie’s car at the Monaco Grand Prix for some idiotic reason, and of course he wrecked straight into the barriers, and it was, of course, lost.
now for the irony. jaguar also had Ocean’s Twelve ads all over their cars, even inviting Clooney, Pitt, and Damon to the race. as of last report, Matt Damon was seen running along the highway in the Czech Republic with something flawlessly shiny in his hand.
Paula Abdul Upset Over Mangled Manicure
paula “post-op” abdul is suing some salon for “medical bills, lost profits and the extreme pain.”
this reminds of me of the time Larry Hassenplug, CEO of AT&T during the 90’s, blamed a 3rd-quarter operating loss of $2.4 billion on his shoddy manicure, and it worked! the Board gave him the benefit of the doubt, and he’s been there ever since.
Chinese man sues guru over raw frog cure
ah, the 2nd oldest chinese trick in the book. unsuspecting chumps have fallen victim to the old raw frog prescription trick, thinking it’s a harmless yet unknown cureall. in fact, raw frogs have been so overbred for so many centuries for these purposes, their mystical powers have been tragically diminished.
they were once known for their extreme effects on the spinal cord and metatarses, but now they’re merely used for AIDS treatment and when rubbed on the skin, a refreshing moisturizer with SPF 15.
What was not mentioned in the article about the chinese man, was that his initial revenge strategy involved peeing in the Guru’s Coke..thus in retaliation for the 2nd Oldest Chinese Trick, he used the Oldest Chinese Joke.
Comment by SnackmasterV3.1 — May 24, 2004 @ 11:11 am
Pee-pee in the coke! yes that is an old one. In fact, if you go all the way back to 5-14-2004 you can see where it was first used on this Site!
Comment by Joseph Mama — May 24, 2004 @ 12:02 pm
This only goes to further illustrate the difference between my comments and your comments, even with the same material, mine are funnier and more elaborate.
Comment by SnackmasterV3.1 — May 24, 2004 @ 12:14 pm
Yes, your comment was definitely an elobrate and funny way to ruin what was a subtle, clever reference to a bit of childhood humor!
Comment by Joseph Mama — May 24, 2004 @ 3:04 pm
Snackmaster’s been on edge lately.
between getting sunburnt at the beach after leaving his frogs at home, getting a shoddy manicure, and getting violently overthrown in floball, he’s had a little “hormonal imbalance”
a long weekend at home with JR should do him some good
Comment by chris — May 24, 2004 @ 3:23 pm
Luckily for me, i will be housesitting in Brookline, far away from JR and his love of sodomy..
Comment by SnackmasterV3.1 — May 24, 2004 @ 4:39 pm
i’m setting fire to my room so that while i’m gone, no one can take any deep-seeded revenge on something i’ve charmingly said or done in the past.
scorched earth policy 4 eva
Comment by chris — May 24, 2004 @ 4:49 pm
Skaus…housesitting…Does this mean that your Dad is going on some sort of vacation or otherwise heading out of town? Any chance you can alter your armageddon contingency plan to swing by Boulder? We could always try and pick up sophomore Co-eds at CU and BU…variety and that spice of life thing…what do you say?
Comment by Commie Boulderite — May 24, 2004 @ 6:13 pm
We sent a memo to the CIA notifying them that my father would be out of town. Tenet lost the memo, but somehow it made its way to Condi Rice, who then did nothing..Cheney knew of the vacation plans from outside sources and he has moved back into his undisclosed location (a strip bar due east of Austin)…I shall be safe in Brookline but my contingency plans may involve Boulder.
Comment by SnackmasterV3.1 — May 24, 2004 @ 8:11 pm