it’s weird getting to see a singer in one band then see him/her in another band a few weeks later. i saw emily haines kick it with broken social scene at coachella, and on monday i saw her front her own band, metric.

metric’s a totally different experience than bss though. metric’s sound makes you feel like you’ve been miniaturized and wrapped inside a christmas present. and the box is the music, the paper is her voice, the bow is the lyrics, and the doberman chewing up the whole thing a week before christmas is her stage presence. and that’s a good thing.

metric’s specialty is the ability to pounce on every note, enabling them to change the entire feel of a song on a dime. that way, they can throw about 1000 different ideas at you in the span of an hour. you start to realize that they’ve been playing the same song for 10 minutes but it’s felt like 5 2-minute songs with similar drumbeats. then she leg kicks you in the chops and you wake up from your spastic daydream.

see, metric’s chock full of prog rock, but extremely sexy prog rock. she’s the chick that peter pan wishes he could be, and the man that janice joplin was, but infinitely stylishly hotter.

they’ve got to be one of the best kept secrets in mod music, unless the fact that everyone already knows who they are has been kept secret from me.

Woman Attempts to Flush Out Squatting Coke Dealers with Gas Fumes

how many times to i have to make this point?

if you want to get rid of coke-dealing hobos that refuse to leave your house, you don’t use natural gas fumes, you use well-trained paramilitary attack goats.

they’re more reliable than dogs, more ferocious than sharks, and more intelligent than the average ohioan. other than a $500,000 GPS-enhanced laser/sulphuric acid home defense system, they’re easily the best on the market. why would you NOT have them?

look at the statistics. the difference is astonishing. if their services were more affordable, we’d never have to worry about feeling safe in our own homes ever again. congress must do something about this. NOW.

once the word gets out, hopefully we won’t hear any more semi-tragic stories like this.

“Winner of the 2004 Nobel Prize in Sexuality”