April 26, 2004
Mundy 
Billy Joel crashes car into house
first of all, no one, including Billy Joel was hurt during this accident, so feel free to laugh heartily at his stupidity.
this time, there were no drugs or alcohol involved, so Mr. Joel was not intoxicated or having fun prior to or during the incident. apparently he managed to crack the foundation of a house with a 70’s VW Beetle Citroen Deux Cheveaux, which reminds me of the time Scooby and Shaggy joyride the Mystery Machine , crash it into the White House, and discover Nixon’s hidden treasure. so wacky.
“Following last year’s car accident, [Ultra-hot ex-wife Christie] Brinkley expressed concerns about their daughter riding in a car with him.”
what a loser.
April 23, 2004
TGIF
Lawyer says client’s rooster owned drugs
this is the best non-existant defense argument i’ve heard since “If The Glove Don’t Fit”.
from now on, i’m keeping a rooster in my passenger seat, and if i ever get pulled over for a ticket, i’m blaming it on him.
but more importantly, we should all be concerned for the bird; prison is a very, very rough place for a rooster. trust me.
Louisiana May Ban Low-Slung Pants
first of all, i didn’t write the headline. although i wish i had. “low-slung” is my new favorite phrase.
anyway, isn’t it funny how ridiculously uncool Baby Boomers can get? “i’m sick of seeing it [low-slung pants],” said some whiny Jefferson Parish lawmaker.
by the way, i challenge you to find a crappier political title than “Jefferson Parish Lawmaker”
Best 5 Minutes You’ll Ever Spend
Trust me, it gets even better.
Click on the pic to go to the page.
Read the english parts now. Thank me later.
April 22, 2004
Thor’s Day
Diana Family ‘Shocked and Sickened’ by CBS Photos
with their monocles in their soup and their tails between their legs Diana’s relatives are whining about the consequences of fame again. that is SO fresh!
Schwarzenegger Has Yet to Retrofit Hummer
the only thing more ridiculous than the Governator’s physical image is his political image.
Ahnold is one of those governors that makes me wish secession wasn’t so out of style. who’s to say it wouldn’t be GREAT if California became its own country?
did you realize that Hummers get 8-10 mpg?
Army secretary: Army workers doing ‘God’s work’
as part of a disturbing trend that began the day Dubya took office, another government employee publicly declares that God and/or Jeebus are scheming behind a desk somewhere and puppeteering the will of the United States.
what’s even more disturbing about this one, though, is this guy’s a high-ranking military schlub, who is on the verge of naming this Iraqi campaign a holy war. on the flipside of this, however, he did make these comments in Alabama, which means two things:
1. his intent was probably just to cheaply motivate some simple Alabamians through patronization, which they never catch on to.
AND
2. since Alabama is an informational blackhole, as long as no sources outside of Alabama ever report on this story, the non-Christian-God-fearing world will never find out. solid.
The Problem With Taking Kids To Work
america: the land of SUVs, bobbleheads, and annoying “National Something Days”.
while i try to ignore SUVs and bobbleheads, today’s “National Take Your Children To Work Day” or whatever has slapped me around.
so far, my encounters with said celebration have been:
-extremely loud police sirens going off right outside
-kid in cleats stepping on my foot
-obligatory screaming in the hallway outside my door
-kid going through my desk drawers
keep in mind i’ve only been at work for 2+ hours
have we cancelled this stupid day yet? i’d rather have 1000 pets in here than 1 child.
i was going to bring my son to work today, but i’m still waiting on Monica Bellucci to fall in love with me and bear my child.
Good Tymes With Soundboards
why have i spent the last 45 minutes on this??:
see also:
Please be advised that upon visiting either page, you are legally required to make a crank call using the clips.
even more:
Stewie (Family Guy) soundboard
if you want more, i’m sure you can find them yourself pretty easily
April 21, 2004
Winzday
Ginsburg to Hear Clarett Case Against NFL
looks like the Maurice Clarett/Mike Williams case has hit the Supreme Court now.
Spencer Haywood (basketball) did pretty much the exact same thing back in 1971 to get into the NBA, so hopefully everything will follow suit and Mo will get the opportunity to get cut in 3 weeks by a real live NFL team.
New Zealand girl beats up other girls, threatens them, runs them over
now it’s tempting to blame this incident on the female hormonal system, but i believe there are other reasons why this happened.
the popular MTV show, Jackass, once aired a skit in which three cast members got drunk, fought each other, and afterwards, one of them drove a ‘74 caprice into a crowd of other Jackass cast members.
clearly, this was a copycat crime.
Study: Chocolate, BBQ addictions may be real
now you can print this article off, go home, and show your parents that all those years they told you your BBQ lust was all in your head, they were wrong.
-”Don’t eat more than 4 platefuls, Jimmy”
-”Stop licking that. That’s not BBQ sauce, that’s dried blood.”
-”Are you snorting a Hershey’s kiss?”
…they said. well, now the somewhat-reliable medical community has declared that you have a clinical problem, not just a gluttonous disposition.
