April 29, 2004

BK Day permalink

North Korea Waxes Nuclear, Leaders Make Out

love yaNorth Korea, long suffering from Bobby Brady Syndrome, has decided to draw attention to itself by agreeing to more worthless nuclear talks in which they will demand things for promising not to blow stuff up, yada yada.

for doing so, they want to be rewarded. cripes, they want a lolli or something? i keep getting the feeling that 50-year-olds with 6-year-old mentalities rule the world.

Tiny computers can detect, treat cancer; Devices attack disease from inside body

scratchtasiahere’s my problem. for every computer out there, there’s a million problems waiting to go wrong. something could short circuit, overheat, get hacked, turn evil, or grow lasers and then go medieval on your precious, unprotected blood vessels. once the robots take control of the veins, the arteries will soon fall, then the assault on major organs begins. let’s just say, you’ll have a noticeably short life expectancy.

the idea simply won’t work. what WILL work, however, is having tiny little people inside your bloodstream that will be employed to attack cancer and whatnot, just like the robots, but are far less likely to go berserk inside you, due to the complex and stubborn nature of the human mind. today’s midgets are the predecessors of this technology, so let us study and learn from them as much as possible.

News — Posted by: chris @ 10:57 am

Sox game today, suckas permalink

bkso i’m going to the game today. the festivities begin at 1:05pm at Fenway, and i’ll be sitting in Grandstand Section 27 Row 5 Seat 24, which puts me about 25 rows behind 3rd. pretty solid.

Byung-hyun Kim’s starting today for the first time this year. is anyone else as nervous about having him in the rotation as me?

plus, today he’s going up against Victor Zambrano, who is actually decent so far this year. the d-rays may actually avoid losing 100 games this year.

Today’s Sox vs. Devil Rays Preview (Yahoo)

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docCeltics to hire Doc Rivers as coach

let’s hope Doc doesn’t work the same “magic” he did with that other one-man team .
he managed to turn a pretty decent lineup with a superstar into an embarassment to the eastern conference, which is hard to do.

General — Posted by: chris @ 9:31 am

Woolly Mammoth permalink

baaa

Pics — Posted by: chris @ 8:54 am

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“The #1 Maker of Counterfeit Coachella Tickets in America”

Tags — Posted by: chris @ 8:45 am

April 28, 2004

Winsday permalink

Kentucky Girl Survives Losing Scalp In Pit Bull Attack

yikes. for years i’ve had nightmares about dogs biting my scalp off. now they’re just gonna get worse. great.

this guy isn’t a doctor:
“I guess you would say she was more or less scalped,” Shoffer said. “She had some puncture wounds to her stomach.”

booyah!

Elton John brands US Pop Idol viewers ‘incredibly racist’

Social watchdog Elton John has managed to find yet another way to draw unnecessary attention to himself. The pop dandy is apparently in a contest with the equally-as-crappy 70’s idol, Billy Joel, to see who can be involved in the most worthless news story of the week.

So far, the edge still goes to Billy Joel, whose car accident has caused him much personal embarassment compared to the distanced accusations Elton John recently made. Tune in Friday for this week’s score and the winner of the latest round in the decades-long battle of irrelevance.

News — Posted by: chris @ 11:49 am

J-Kwon in tha heezie permalink

j-kwon

Pics — Posted by: chris @ 9:01 am

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“Maker of the World Famous 13-oz. Beer”

Tags — Posted by: chris @ 8:43 am

April 27, 2004

Toozeday permalink

Mexican dude passes out on train tracks; walks away untouched

“I counted only six beers,” a bewildered Lozano Lopez told local newspaper El Norte. “But who knows how many more there might have been. I don’t remember.”

Saddam Gets Birthday Eve Visit from Red Cross

saddam eyedid you realize that saddam is still in iraq?

the US is probably forcing him to appear in commercials for Olive Garden as it tries to spread its disease into Iraq.

fortunately for the chefs of Olive Garden, the Iraqis are used to eating shoes and kittens, so the OG should have a swift time fitting in.

Homeless student lived in NYU library for seven months

this is the ultimate in hobo technology. abusing crowded semi-public facilities as your own living quarters is what it’s all about. the more advantage you can take of the system, the better.

it’s sad how, as a society, we fail to take full advantage of the freedoms we have. i’m inclined right now to sell all of my stuff and move into a library somewhere or a denny’s or something that’s open 24/7

IRS sues person claiming to be Hawaiian princess

good ol’ anastasia syndrome. how many times have we each considered claiming to be of random royal blood to claim an inheritance or evade taxes? i know it’s up around several hundred for me.

the problem with claiming to be hawaiian royalty, however, is that it’s not far-enough removed from everyday american society to get away with it. someone’s bound to double-check, cause it’s not even an international call, and of course the IRS were the ones to do so.

you’re better off completely making up an african country and making a claim to its royal bloodlines, or even going to an existing country and insisting that you’re the long lost king. it worked for the british anyway

News — Posted by: chris @ 3:48 pm

The Good, the Bad, and the Coyote Ugly permalink

lately, i’ve seen a few films on IFC that, combined, are worth mentioning.

in this list, i’m sure there’s something for everyone, including your weird midget uncle.

ifc
Among Giants
Rating: 5 out of 10
Review:
i’m not really sure why they made this, or for what audience, but it’s a pretty typical romantic comedy, involving climbing powerline towers and stuff. so lame. avoid it.

Lost & Delirious
Rating: 3 out of 10
Review: this jackass movie is for all confused college lesbians. the deal is, these girls are at an all-girl boarding school, and Piper Perabo’s annoying main character falls in love with another chick, but loses her mind when the other girl doesn’t end up being a lesbian too. the drama in this movie is so overdone it made me physically sick, and i recommend you visit your local Blockbuster and destroy their copy.

Beyond the Valley of the Dolls
Rating: 9 out of 10
Review:
this movie is hilarious. at least i’m pretty sure it’s supposed to be. the movie follows a chickband in the 60’s trying to make their way to fame, and the people/situations they encounter are mocked to the fullest extent of camp hilarity. sex, drugs, and rock and roll at their funniest.

ghost worldGhost World
Rating: 7 out of 10
Review: this is the Chicago Cubs of the movie world. the cheesy tale of 2 lovable losers played by 2 semi-lovable losers, Thora Birch and Steve Buscemi, has pretty stylish directing, and even attempts a plot twist.

Happy Accidents
Rating: 6 out of 10
Review: ugh, another romantic comedy. this one is a lot like K-Pax. extremely, extremely predictable.

General — Posted by: chris @ 12:40 pm

permalink

“232,025,341 people served”

Tags — Posted by: chris @ 9:09 am

nelson mandela permalink

nelson mandela

Pics — Posted by: chris @ 9:06 am

April 26, 2004

permalink

“Now made with 33% more chicken beak”

Tags — Posted by: chris @ 12:25 pm

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