Monthly Archives: March 2004

Too drunk to drive, man hands keys to 14-year-old

uh, so this drunk dude decides to let his “female companions” take the wheel. the problem is, they’re 14 and 10.

the problem isn’t with them drinking and/or driving.

THE PROBLEM IS that it was after midnight on a saturday, and this joker is in his car drunk and drinking with 14-y-o and 10-y-o girls?

he said he was “teaching them how to drive”………

Study questions effectiveness of teenage `virginity pledges’

i’m not going to question the reasons as to why anyone would publicly pledge to be a virgin till marriage, but assuming someone actually did, you’d think they’d focus on remaining faithful to themselves and their future partners and not going out and having lots of sex.

their eventual apathy appears to be an attempt to correct their ridiculous vows, which is hope once again that virtues have no place in this world.

*sings*
you don’t win friends with virtues, you don’t win friends with virtues, etc…

Police: Woman Tried to Pass Fake $1M Bill

there are few things that bring such joy. this wonderful lady from “Jojah” has rekindled my love for mankind.

let’s see what she could’ve purchased with that bad boy:

1. 178,571 lobster hats (bar/bat mitzvah favors)

2. 60,277 500-ml bottles of MacNut Oil

3. 2,223 medical premium splash-resistant gowns

4. macaulay culkin’s sweet love for 57.33 hours

from the opening drum slam, you ask yourself, “shall i go skateboarding, or shall i kill a hobo?”

by the time the next song rolls around, you’re feeling pretty confident that you’re being eaten by a tornado. but you don’t get off. no, not yet. not…..yet……muahahahaha uh….

“dont stop, it’s almost over now.”

and thus, the tired bosom of this album draws a wincing sigh after a sprint towards the ocean. as it hurls itself off the cliff in a lusty passion, it somehow lands on its feet in the sand. pretty cool.

so it stands up and extends some sort of robotic arm into your tornadic abode, plucks you out like a vet operating on dr. claw’s cat.

take a deep breath, cause you’re going underwater for a while. submarines are bleeping. black down here. hmm….i think an octopus is strangling me. BAM! chris: 1 octopus: 1

this album is basically a few more semi-odyssey-like encounters, such as the singing donkey, and the extremely sexy ghost Rose.

whooptee, it’s hot y’all.

Ghost Towns of Alabama

in what was a temporarily fatal blow to the rock ‘n’ roll juggernaut that is known as synapticblur, the entire amount of information posted on this site previous to this day was lost in what appears to be a nuclear holocaust. it’s been a traumatic week or so since this happened, but luckily, i have completely forgotten what i used to have on this site, so i will not grieve for what i have lost.

in case you were wondering:

my fine-feathered friends at calanhost.com who were hosting the site, who also happen to be french-canadian, have seemingly died and/or been killed by large, angry rodents. i have to give the rats credit though, for thwarting the french-canadian conspiracy that was taking place. the frogs of the North were probably going to do something valuable with my website such as sell it to the Mongolians, or create a really powerful bomb, or bake a delicious quiche, or throw rocks at blind nuns.

let us share a toast to our enormous mexican rat friends for saving us, themselves, and perhaps the world from complete annihilation.