so for lunch today, my coworkers and i are going to the Cheesecake Factory i think. for those of you not familiar with the restaurant juggernaut, it’s basically a big chain of big restaurants chock full of average-priced food for the average-priced customer. whatever, it’s like the backstreet boys of restaurants.

Unofficial Cheesecake Factory Page

here’s a link to some moron who actually goes out and rates different locations. shhh, let’s not let him in on the secret of the chain restaurant just yet.

here’s their stock ticker, symbol CAKE
they seem to be doing a pretty mediocre job, but then again with bush in office, losing a little money is as good as a huge profit

Ditch your crappy job and miserable life and apply for a managerial position at Cheesecake Factory here!

and in no surprise, the Cheesecake Factory manages to unintentionally make me deeply question the purpose of the universe with bitter pessimism. check this out:

CHEESECAKE FACTORY BEANIES

UPDATE

The Cheesecake Factory proudly boasts “Mile-High Meatloaf” and “Fresh Fish Tacos” on their menu. mmmmmmagic!

Exercise guru Richard Simmons cited for assault

the extremely annoying and equally saucy bitch, Richard Simmons has lost control.

here’s how it went to down. some hilarious guy at the airport pointed Dicky S out and said, “Hey, everybody. It’s Richard Simmons. Let’s drop our bags and rock to the ’50s.”

normally i’m not a big fan of celebrity harassment, but he’s not a celebrity.

anyway, upon receiving this comment into his eardrum, Ricardo bitchslapped the man back to Gate 35A, and calmly boarded the plane in his chicken suit.

Porn model sought fame, found death

let this be a lesson to all of you considering a full-time porn occupation. DO NOT get involved with Philly porn. the National Porn Industry rates Philadelphia as the 2nd most dangerous city in America for pornstars to work, behind perennial #1, Dayton, Ohio.

“At Frederick’s apartment, police found a chilling handwritten poem - its author unknown - that read: ‘Cut with a knife, blood does flow/You may bleed out, death coming on slow…’ .”

i’m pretty sure those lyrics show up on at least 2 NWA albums and one barry manilow song.

FRITT DASTARD

“Your home on the web for credit card fraud protection.”