Darkness Frontman Receives Death Threats

i know everyone’s looking in my direction on this one, but i swear, even if i knew the guy’s address, i probably wouldn’t do anything like this. i mean i know the guy’s a sick bastard and all, and we’d all slap him if we saw him on the street, but geez….death threat? is it worth staining my white armani suit with his blood? meh.

Report: Woman dies watching ‘Passion’

so if everyone says that the jews killed jesus, then did jesus kill this woman?

or did mel gibson kill her? wait, did mel gibson kill jesus? no, the jews killed mel gibson, right? or the jews killed this woman? no hold on….SHE killed jesus for killing mel gibson, who is a jew?….yeah…that sounds right

Japanese Navy Sells Itself with Song and Dance Ad

the opening sentence of this article, and i’m serious, is:

Seven actors dressed as sailors strut across the deck of a ship singing “Nippon Seaman Ship, Seaman Ship, For Love…For Peace.”

what the HELL is that?

Portland homeless village legalized

in what is certainly the second-most important legalization in the lives of Oregonian hobos, “Dignity Village” was finally designated as an official “campground”.

is there anything more patronizing and demeaning than the name “Dignity Village”?

solid quote:
“Usually, when I became homeless, I went into the woods,” said the village’s treasurer, Tim McCarthy.

if i had some spending money, these would definitely be mine:

i’d like to see you come up ANY that are better. psh. please.

Hoofcare and Lameness Magazine

so the myDoom virus has totally kicked our asses at work. our huge department network drive got slammed so most of the files are just gone. including all of the ones i ever use. so i havent really done much the last few days and that’s just fine with me. in the time that i’ve spend idle, i’ve noticed a few things about my office:

1. people talk way too much
2. i need a vacation
3. people think that viruses are all about porn
4. headphones are worth their weight in gold
5. i could go for a refreshing lemonade

chappelle’s show last night was good but not great. it was nice to see a solid goat-sex joke. but it’s starting to make me wonder if the show should just be called the charlie murphy show. did anyone catch the “skeet” commentary?

last night around 11pm, some phone number from the Hamilton College campus called me. i didn’t pick it up, but that’s pretty disturbing. not only do i barely know anyone still there, i’d be damned if any of them tried to call me. maybe they were trying to hit me up for money. “do you like tapes or cds?”

…deal with it

The recipe for Hidalgo:

2 tbsp of The Mummy
1 cup(s) of Seabiscuit
3 fl. oz of Gladiator

Stir and mix into bowl. Let simmer for 1-2 minutes until previews reveal everything.

Put on stove and heat at 450 degrees for 5 minutes until you:

-notice that the most interesting character in the movie is a falcon
-discover that a horse can run many thousands of miles in ridiculous heat and pain
-realize that viggo mortensen IS ed harris.

Hidalgo is one of those movies that makes you keep going back to the concession stand again and again just to entertain yourself by wondering what you could have missed while you were gone. but then you get back into your seat and you start to think that time is actually going in reverse, and that you’re LESS into the plot than you were 5 minutes ago.

if you’re a big fan of animated leopards and puerto rican actors playing arabs, then this is the movie for you. let it be written, Hidalgo is NOT the worst movie ever.

Which of these is most EVIL?

a.

b.

c.

d.

The results of this poll will be considered the complete opinion of the residents of the United States of America, excluding Nebraska. Cause Nebraska sucks. I don’t care WHAT they think. Die, Nebraska, die. What’s that? Nebraska wants to cry? you suck, Nebraska, you truly suck. Go back to where you came from.

i dont know what all these lameass music journalists keep rambling about, but this new album bores me at best. and i’m an actual walkmen fan too.

when i listen to it, i feel like i’m at a crappy high school prom in california circa 1983 and these guys are the band. i can see the silver streamers line the stage…

i’m not going to bother breaking this down track by track, because about 8 of them could actually BE the same track. i’m still waiting on the lab results to find out. i’ll keep you posted. the only reason anyone likes any track on this album is because “The Rat” actually sounds a little different from the rest of the tracks, giving it a false sense of originality, a joke which everyone seems to be falling for. in fact, the only thing original about “The Rat” is its name, which gives the tracklist a neu-Brothers Grimm feel. “The Rat” should be called “Janet’s Nipple of the Forest”

while the first walkmen album, Everyone Who Pretended to Like Me is Gone, was seemingly hours of exciting foreplay, this one seems to be stuck in the middle of a bad orgasm.

this album sounds like the Beverly Hillbillies car rolling down the road with its wobbly wheels, backfires, and crap stacked 20 feet tall. every song seems to have a few of those guitar rock noises that make you ask, “did they fall asleep in the studio while playing this song?”

a lot of the tracks bear the apparently-signature “walkmen live sound”, which translates to “unoriginal studio goofiness” instead of “warm, symbiotic flow.” i actually wondered, “why do they keep playing the same song?”

as for the “new york” sound that people try to label these guys with, that’s just wrong, wronger, and wrongest. the only thing remniscient of new york that this album has is its smug self-satisfaction of trying to combine 70’s “cool” with modern minimalism.

normally i’d recommend the walkmen to anyone, but i don’t want this album ruining my cred.

As we all know, sandwiches can easily appear anywhere from delicious to horrifying.

Here are some beautiful sandwiches:

Here are some foul-looking sandwiches: